


She’s your star (What am I?)

by gayandnotokay



Category: fromis_9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Jiwon Centric, Jiwon is dumb and doesn’t know how to deal with emotions properly but do any of us?, Unrequited Love, jiwon mess, maybe unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 12:36:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21320296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayandnotokay/pseuds/gayandnotokay
Summary: Jiwon runs away from her emotions to get some fresh air. It doesn’t work.
Relationships: Jang Gyuri/Roh Jisun, Lee Seoyeon/Park Jiwon, Park Jiwon/Roh Jisun
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	She’s your star (What am I?)

She couldn’t describe the feeling. Except that it wasn’t a feeling. It was a horrible, swirling, bubbling, steaming, melting pot of all sorts of emotions. She’s been handling her emotions so well until now by simply not handling them. Why did they all suddenly come flooding in now? 

She didn’t have an answer. She wasn’t sure she wanted one because her mind was just a mix of everything bad at the moment and it prevented her from thinking of anything reasonable. Not that she usually thought reasonably anyways. So somehow, miraculously, she thought up something reasonable to do to shut out everything. She set down her phone on the nearest surface, which happened to be the island bar separating the kitchen, where she was forbidden from by her roommate, Jisun, where she was currently standing, and the living room, where blaring music and the overwhelming smell of alcohol came from. To be honest, there wasn’t that many people over, maybe just over a dozen strangers, but regardless, it was way over the amount of people she could stand right now. (That number is zero)

She grabbed the nearest hoodie on the rack next to the door, which she would regret later, opened the front door to their apartment, closed it with a little more force than necessary, and ran. 

She didn’t know where she was going. In fact, she didn’t know where she could go in the hours that were a blend of late night and early morning but it felt good that she was just going. So she kept running, past countless streetlights, past laughing strangers, past places she’s become too bitter to visit anymore, and didn’t stop. For nothing. For no one. She felt liberated.

Yet it all came crashing down around her once she stopped. Her feet had traveled the familiar path subconsciously and she found herself on the banks of the river she seemed to grow up orbiting. Of course her feet led her back to a place that would remind her of all she’s trying to forget. 

She’d always been to the river when the sun was out. The city lights reflecting upon the dark waters was quite a contrast to the vast blue she had associated with the place, so she supposed it wouldn’t hurt too much to finally let everything go there. 

With a defeated sigh that came out as a puff of steam into the cold air, she plopped down onto the freezing cement and brought her knees up to her chest. The cold hasn’t quite caught up to her just yet, so she had time to reflect. 

It had started simply. She just wanted to prove to herself and everyone else that she was capable of managing herself and her time well enough to take on the rigorous courses. She just wanted to prove to herself that she was capable of something— of anything. Now, she was stuck between three different multiple paged reports she hadn’t even started and dropping out of the university she had cried over getting into because maybe her dream wasn’t what she thought it was. If she had any dreams in the first place. 

On top of that, she was slow. Slow to realize what everything meant between her and Jisun and now it was too late and she couldn’t be that asshole who did something about it. She was years slow. Years. Heck, she was even slow to realize she’d taken Jisun’s hoodie instead of her own. With a scream of frustration that turned the few other heads who were viewing the river that late, she tugged off the hoodie and set it on the cement beside her. 

She finally realized that the feelings she had for Jisun were not, not even the tiniest bit, platonic. After years of confusion and self-doubt, when she finally had gathered the courage to tell Jisun something that could very possibly ruin their childhood-rooted friendship (probably the only reason why Jisun would stick by someone like her), she learned from a friend (that she thought Jisun trusted her more than) that the object of her accumulated affections over just about two decades was in the process of seeing someone. Someone else. 

That person turned out to be none other than the university’s local genius. Top of every class and club she’s involved in, the kind hearted and infamous campus celebrity, Jang Gyuri. She was everything Jiwon wasn’t. Tall, academically excellent, quick thinking, beautiful, responsible, charming, and extremely musically talented. In fact, when Jiwon found out she was competing with Jang Gyuri for a spot in the music program at the university, she felt doomed, but magically, (perhaps an all powerful being took pity on her) she made it in as well, just a spot before the cut off. But that wasn’t the point now. She had been faring well with the news, if you consider aggressively challenging strangers to see if they could eat a head of lettuce faster than her on the daily (the only thing she seemed to be better at Gyuri than) well, until the time came for the university's end of fall / beginning of winter festival and the students in the music program were invited to audition for the chance of singing on the big stage as the main act. 

Of course Jiwon wanted to audition. It was no surprise that Gyuri did too so it wasn’t a big shocker seeing her a few places ahead of her in line at auditions. What was akin to throwing a bucket of cold water at her, however, was Jisun’s presence in the audience of said auditions. She had told Jiwon that she couldn’t make it to the auditions, and bitterly, Jiwon realized why as soon as she followed Jisun’s line of eyesight to everyone’s star, Jang Gyuri. Jisun hadn’t even told her directly about the whole thing, which stung more than it should’ve. How fitting then, that the song she picked was a song dear to them both she had planned to sing to Jisun at one point when she had perfected it down to the millisecond. “I guess plans change.” she muttered to herself. 

When she was beckoned on stage, she felt so numb that she almost missed the fact that Jisun wasn’t even in the audience anymore, but sadly, she noticed and felt her heart break in a way she didn’t know was possible. She sang her heart out, down to the nearly literal definition of the saying and still knew she stood no chance against the shining prodigy called Jang Gyuri. It was foolish to think she even stood a tiny one. As soon as she finished the song, she placed the microphone back into the stand and turned to walk backstage, only to see Jisun’s intense gaze upon her. She held it for a second before dropping her eyes to the floor. She didn’t want anything to do with her best friend at the moment. It hurt too much to even be standing five feet from one another.

All she had to do was walk past Jisun and take a few more steps through the exit doors and she could cope with her pain with lettuce again or take a stroll along the river to calm her down. But of course Jisun had to reach out and take her hand as she passed, tugging so Jiwon would look at her. 

“I’m sorry.” Jisun said, her brows furrowing into a concentrated look. Jiwon would’ve laughed it off and poked the spot between her eyebrows if she didn’t feel like a steaming pile of shit. 

“For what?” she managed out, forcing the tone of her voice to stay nonchalant, as if Jisun had just accidentally kicked under a desk instead of breaking her heart. 

“I didn’t know Gyuri and yours auditions were for the same thing.. I thought.. I didn’t.. Look. Gyuri is— “ Gyuri is standing somewhere behind Jiwon, she concluded by the amount of times Jisun’s eyes flickered to behind her while saying the name. Of course she would be. 

“It’s cool. I understand.” Jiwon interrupted, mustering as much sincerity as she could into her tone. Jisun must’ve bought it as her shoulders released the tension they’ve been holding since they started this conversation. 

“Please don’t be mad.” Jisun said softly. The intense gaze she had seconds ago nowhere to be found as her eyes drifted to the floor. She was still holding Jiwon’s hand.

“I could never be mad at you.” Jiwon said with a rawness she didn’t know her voice could reach. Jisun looked up again, concern once again adorning her pretty features. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t find words to fit what she wanted to say in time. Jiwon pulled her hand away and hurriedly walked out of the now suffocating building, cursing herself aloud for allowing the slip of emotion. 

The sound of the exit doors beginning to open was all it took for Jiwon to run as if her life depended on it to wherever was most convenient to run. Maybe running away was something she was better than at anyone as well. She never liked it when people saw her when she was anything other than happy so whenever she was around people when the more painful emotions came around, she just ran. 

Not even Jisun had seen her cry many times in the span of when they first met in diapers at some house party to now. The times that she had seen the rare sight only lasted a few seconds, however, as Jiwon would scramble to her feet from wherever she thought no one could find her and take off again. Somehow, she always ended up in the same spot by the river by the end of the day, where Jisun would be waiting, her makeshift blanket consisting of one hoodie laid out in the grass. That day however, when Jiwon’s feet took her to the river at last after she had dealt with the pain well enough that she wouldn't burst into tears at the slightest inconvenience, Jisun wasn’t there waiting. 

“Oh.” she said softly to herself. 

She checked her phone then and noticed that she had nine missed calls from Jisun. Feeling guilty at the amount of worry she must’ve caused, she pressed on the notification and held the phone up to ear, anxious at how her dearest friend would pick up. 

“Hello. What business do you have with my girlfriend?” a voice slurred smugly, emphasizing the word ‘girlfriend’. The sound of familiar voices whooping and cheering filled the background before a playful smack was heard and the phone changed hands.

“So sorry about that, she had too much to drink for her celebratory getting-the-gig night out and we recently.. Really recently became official. Who is this?” Jisun’s voice came through. Oh.

“Congratulations. It’s Jiwon. Sorry.. Must’ve called at a bad time..” Jiwon said smoothly, not being able to hold back the newly formed tears from running down her cheeks. She underestimated how much it would hurt to get her heart broken for the second time in a day. 

“Oh.. Jiwon.. Jiwon listen, please and don’t hang up.” Jisun said just as Jiwon’s thumb was hovering over the red ‘end call’ button. She knew her too well. She exhaled and waited for whatever Jisun had to say. 

“Okay..” Jisun took a breath, as if relieved. For what? Jiwon had no idea. “Gyuri got the gig at the festival and we’re celebrating at the place we went to the first time we got drunk.. legally. You should come.” Her best friend continued, her tone hopeful at the end. Of course shining star student, musical prodigy would get the gig. And Jisun. Jiwon sniffled and wiped at the annoying tears going down her cheeks with the back of her hand. Most of the time, Jiwon would’ve done whatever Jisun wanted but currently, she couldn’t let her see her in the state she was in. She would ask what was wrong, and being Jiwon’s weakness, everything would come spilling out. As much as she would love to have Jisun’s full attention and affection again she wasn’t going to ruin a relationship that would actually make Jisun happy nor her friendship even if friendship was the only thing it would ever be. 

So she said, “Sorry, I would love to but I can’t. I don’t feel like drinking tonight. Have a nice night though, and drink responsibly! Or else I’ll personally come and beat you.” teasingly, which successfully drew out a laugh from Jisun. Without another word, she ended the call and shoved her phone into her pocket. 

She ended up drunk off her face on the steps leading up to her and Jisun’s apartment building, which was also home to a good amount of fellow students as it was right across the street from campus. It was no surprise when a fellow student found her there, reeking of alcohol. It was a surprise though, that they didn’t just walk past and make their way to their apartment as quickly as possible, considering the time of night. The student, a stunningly pretty girl around Jiwon’s age, sat down beside her. 

“H..Hello?” Jiwon asked, confused out of her mind as to who and why this pretty stranger just took a seat next to her. 

“Hey. I sit next to you in music theory and composition and live right down the hall. Your head is going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow.” She said, reaching over and taking the rest of the bottle of liquor from Jiwon. 

“Ah fuck.. Didn’t think of that.” Jiwon groaned before sighing heavily. She would’ve preferred if this wasn’t a stranger’s first real impression of her but she didn’t think running away would’ve been any better. Especially because she was drunk and if she tried she would most definitely not succeed. 

“It’s alright. Seems like whatever made you drink this heavily alone is worth it.” The not-stranger said, a sympathetic smile on her face. 

“Yeah. Well.. I’m sorry our first real interaction had to be this.” Jiwon slurred slightly with a goofy grin. 

“It’s fine. It happens.” The stranger said with an easy going smile. 

“Why..?” Jiwon trailed off, tilting her head, gesturing sloppily at where the stranger sat and at herself. 

“People shouldn’t be on their own when shitfaced drunk. Or alone when dealing with something that makes them want to get shitfaced drunk.” The stranger explained. 

“That is. Very nice.” Jiwon said brokenly, holding up two thumbs afterwards which made the stranger laugh, which was lovely husky yet warm sound. Jiwon looked at her fully now, eyes full of wonder before saying, “I like your laugh.”

“Thank you. Now let’s get ourselves inside shall we? Can’t have you sick and with a hangover during tomorrow’s lecture.” The stranger with a pretty laugh said. Jiwon nodded in agreement before trying to stand up on her own, which almost ended in her face planting if she had not put her hands out last minute. The stranger laughed again and Jiwon felt herself smiling despite her moment of near-death. 

“The name’s Seoyeon. Nice meeting you..?” Seoyeon started, bringing one of Jiwon’s arms over her shoulders so she wouldn’t fall again, as funny as that was. 

“Jiwon.. or Megan.” Jiwon said with a smile. 

“Nice meeting you, Jiwon.”

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Long Live by Taylor Swift on loop while writing this and I was also sad so yeah.. Country Taylor is what I bop to. I’m sorry this has to be my first fromis fic.. I’ve had others in the making but this is the farthest I’ve gotten and I wrote this all in one sitting so excuse the mistakes. Come yell at me @somistin on Twitter!


End file.
